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The Connection between Īmān and Marriage

  Abū ʿUways ʿAbdullāh Aḥmad ʿAlī

In a much needed naṣīḥah, Abū ʿUways (raḥimahullāh) speaks concerning the connection between belief in the ghayb (unseen) and the foundation for a successful marriage.


Listen/Download | 41 mins.

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Belief in the Unseen is the foundation for a successful marriage. We come into marriage and we want to fulfill our desires in a halal way, because we fear Allāh. Belief in the unseen is the key issue in the marriage. It seems like when dealing with each other (the husband with the wife, and the wife with the husband), this īmān goes out the window [meaning the disputes are not referred to the solutions in the Qurʾān and Sunnah].

The Prophet (ṣallallāhu ʿalayhi wa-sallam) said: A Muslim is one who other Muslims are safe from his hand and tongue. If this applies to the Muslims in general, then what about your wife?

Likewise, the Prophet (ṣallallāhu ʿalayhi wa-sallam) said: None of you truly believes until you love for your brother what you love for yourself.

Also, the Prophet (ṣallallāhu ʿalayhi wa-sallam) said: Treat those as you would like to be treated.

So these aḥādīth are general, and they apply to your wife, or to the husband (for the wife).

So what is the connection betwen belief in Allāh and The Last Day and this issue of marriage? The one who believes in Allāh and The Last Day, that he will meet Allāh, and that there will be no translator between that person and Allāh, and [that person] will look to his right and see nothing but the hellfire, look to his left and see nothing but the hellfire, so as the Prophet said: Save yourselves from the hellfire even if it be by giving half a date in sadaqah (charity).

Our success will be decided by Allāh Tabaraka wa taʿālá. And Allāh will hold us to account for every deed we do. Allāh Tabaraka wa taʿālá will take us to account. Allāh (Al-Khabeer) is aware of all matters.

This belief in the hereafter - the fear of Allāh and the Last Day, and the meeting with Allāh - makes a person who truly believes strive to please Allāh, and fear disobeying Allāh Subhānahu wa taʿālá.

Shaykh al-Islām Ibn Taymīyyah (d. 728, raḥimahullāh) said: "It does not befit the People of Sunnah to leave off the rights of Allāh and the rights of the creation."

And this is because of a strong Īmān and fear of Allāh.

And likewise, Allāh will take us to account concerning how we treat one another, and how the husband and wife treat each other.

And also having belief in the command of - for example - the wife to obey the husband, and the reward for that. Such that even if the wife was to see some shortcomings from the husband, the wife would be patient because she seeks jannah, and for the husband also.

The house can be a place of serenity, if the husband and wife fear Allāh, and do not go over the limits of Allāh. And if they do transgress the limits, they quickly repent and rectify.

The Prophet (ṣallallāhu ʿalayhi wa-sallam) said: This religion is sincere advice. This religion is sincere advice. This religion is sincere advice.

Allāh said:

Help you one another in al-Birr and al-Taqwá́ (virtue, righteousness and piety); but do not help one another in sin and transgression. And fear Allāh. Verily, Allāh is Severe in punishment. 
[Sūrah-Maa'idah, 5:2]

So belief in the Unseen will cause one to do deeds that Allāh is pleased with. If one believes in the Unseen, then he will implement those ayat and aḥadīth, not merely talk about them without implementing them.

Allāh said:

...And live with them honourably... 
[Sūrah-Nisāʾ', 4:19]

The Mufassiroon said: A part of this is with good speech and gentleness in your words and actions.

The Messenger of Allāh (ṣallallāhu ʿalayhi wa-sallam) said: Be good to women, for indeed they were created from the rib, and indeed the rib is crooked, and the most crooked part of the rib is the upper portion, so if you try to straighten it you will break it, and if you leave it as it is it will remain crooked, so be good to women. [al-Bukhārī, Muslim]

Some of the scholars have said the fiqh of this ḥadīth is: It is obligatory for the husband to be gentle with the women because of their weaknesses.

We should know that the Prophet  (ṣallallāhu ʿalayhi wa-sallam) - As-Saadiq al-Masdooq (The Truthful, the confirmed) - did not speak from his own desires. Allāh said:

He does not speak from his own desires. It was revelation revealed to him. 
[Sūrah al-Najm, 53: 3-4]

ʿAbdullāh Ibn ʿAbbās (raḍī Allāhu ʿʿʿanhumma), who was seen putting on his best abaya, best clothing, and best oil, was asked about this and so said: "I beautify myself for my wife as I would have her beautify herself for me." The Sahaaba understood these narrations of the Prophet (ṣallallāhu ʿalayhi wa-sallam).

And we should love the ayaat and aḥādīth and love to implement them, and love what is loved by Allāh and His Messenger, and hate what is hated by Allāh and His Messenger.

So we should bring these matters of Īmān into the house, to recall those matters of The Last Day, the matters of Tawḥīd, that Allāh is The Master, that Allāh owns everything in the heavens and the earth, and recall Allāh's Beautiful Names and Perfect Attributes, and that everything that happens happens by Allāh's decree.

Abū ʿUways toward the end mentioned the great example of Umm Sulāyim al-Ansāriyyah (raḍī Allāhu ta'aala 'anha), who lost her son. Instead of giving in to her emotions and waiting to complain at the door, she prepared dinner, then prepared herself with the finest clothing and perfume, and when her husband Abū Ṭalḥah (raḍī Allāhu ta'aala ʿʿʿanhu) entered, she had dinner with him, then she had relations with him, and only then told him about his son. When Abū Ṭalḥah came to the Prophet (ṣallallāhu ʿalayhi wa-sallam) to tell him what Umm Sulāyim did, the Prophet (ṣallallāhu ʿalayhi wa-sallam) supplicated to Allāh for Abū Ṭalḥah and Umm Sulāyim that Allāh bless them in the night they had spent together, and she became pregnant and gave birth to ʿAbdullāh. He had nine children and all of them were hufaadh (memorisers of the Qurʾān).

Umm Sulāyim covered up all her anguish, grief and emotions, and she put Abū Ṭalḥah's feelings above her feelings, and she wanted him to be in the best shape and situation to deal with it. She had Eeman in Allāh, for Whom is what He gives and for Whom is what He takes.

Allāh said about the Ansār that they gave:

...preference over themselves, even though they were in need of that... 
[Sūrah al-Ḥashr, 59:6]

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