The Manners of the Host and the Manners of the Hosted
Imām Muḥammad ibn Ṣāliḥ al-ʿUthaymīn, Imām Ibn al-Qayyim, al-ʿAllāmah Ṣāliḥ al-Fawzān, Al-ʿAllāmah Najm al-Din al-Maqdisī


Imām Muḥammad ibn Ṣāliḥ al-ʿUthaymīn:
Hosting a person refers to meeting or receiving them, honouring them and bringing them into one’s domicile. Then, serving them food. Hosting is among the exemplary characteristics and mannerisms encouraged in Islām. Ibrāhīm (عليه السلام) preceded us to it, as the Most High said:
هَلْ أَتَاكَ حَدِيثُ ضَيْفِ إِبْرَاهِيمَ الْمُكْرَمِينَ
“Has the story reached you, of the honoured guests [three angels; Jibrīl (Gabriel) along with another two] of Ibrāhīm (Abraham)?”
(Al-Ẓāriyāt, 51: 24)
That is, those that were honoured by Ibrāhīm (عليه السلام). The verse may also be interpreted as those that were honoured by Allāh—the Exalted in Might—in creating them as angels.
Hosting is obligatory, just as honouring one’s guests is also obligatory. As the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said: “Whoever believes in Allāh and the Last Day, let him honour his guest”.1 That is, whoever has complete or true belief, let him honour his guests.
The manner in which one honours his guests—as is customary—differs in relation to the guest and the host. As for the host, the Most High said:
لِيُنفِقْ ذُو سَعَةٍ مِّن سَعَتِهِ ۖ وَمَن قُدِرَ عَلَيْهِ رِزْقُهُ فَلْيُنفِقْ مِمَّا آتَاهُ اللَّهُ
“Let the rich man spend according to his means, and the man whose resources are restricted, let him spend according to what Allāh has given him.”
(Al-Ṭālāq, 65:7)
Thus, if a person was to enter into the house of a wealthy man as a guest, the host should honour him in accordance with that which Allāh has blessed him with. Conversely, if this man is the guest of a poor person, then this host should honour his guest to the very best of his abilities. For example, when this person was the guest of the wealthy, the manner in which he was honoured was the slaughtering of an animal. Then, inviting others to partake in it. Whereas, if he was being hosted by another less wealthy host, the extent of this honouring would be to serve him a plate of dates. This is only because the first man is wealthy and the second is not.
The same applies to the guest himself as guests are not all alike. For example, if you are visited by your close friend with whom there is no formality or burden of hosting, you honour him in a manner that befits your relationship. Conversely, if you are visited by a man of great repute in the community, either due to his wealth, or knowledge, or position of leadership, he should be honoured in a manner that is befitting of his station. Likewise if you were visited by a man from the middle class, he should be honoured in a manner that is appropriate to him.
Also representative of exemplary hospitality is to refrain from preparing the meal to be served in front of the guest. As Ibrāhīm (عليه السلام) did when the angels visited him:
فَرَاغَ إِلَىٰ أَهْلِهِ فَجَاءَ بِعِجْلٍ سَمِينٍ
“Then he turned to his household, so brought out a roasted calf [as the property of Ibrāhīm (Abraham) was mainly cows].”
(Al-Ẓāriyāt, 51:26)
The scholars say regarding “he turned to his household”; that is, he left hurriedly in secret, such that they would not comment on his absence. Thus, Ibrāhīm (عليه السلام) left them quickly and in secret, then served them a roasted fat calf.
There are also people who, after serving the meal to their guests, will inform them saying: “By Allāh! We were not able to purchase this meat except at a rate of ten riyals per kilo” or “Meat was quite expensive today, but you are really deserving of it!”. This represents a form of reminding the guests of your generosity to them. Or, for example, informing the guests saying: “This sheep cost two hundred riyals, and the butcher charged another fifty riyals” and the likeness of such statements are all impermissible. In consideration of this, the scholars have said: “It is considered disliked for a person to evaluate the meal being served in front of his guests. This is because it will be the cause of consternation and awkwardness for the guest, rendering him unable to leave the house of his host in a state of joy or jubilation.
The obligation of a hospitable reception relates to the disbeliever as well, regardless of whether he is a ẓimmī (free non-Muslim subject living in a Muslim land), soldier, asylum-seeker, or a Muʿāhad (disbeliever with whom a treaty was entered). The most famous opinion of the Ḥanbalī madh`hab is that the obligation of a hospitable reception applies only to the Muslim. However, the correct opinion is that this ruling encompasses both the Muslim and non-Muslim, as the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) says: “Whoever believes in Allāh and the Last Day, let him honour his guest”. The wording used here is general as he (صلى الله عليه وسلم) did not say: ‘let him honour his brother’. Thus, if a disbeliever was to visit as a guest, it would be obligatory to treat him with hospitality and honour him.
This obligation also only applies to the guest who is a traveller. As for residents, they do not possess the same rights of hospitality. If they had, how many residents would begin knocking on our doors, demanding the rights of the guest?! Therefore, the guest must be in a state of travel, passing through the locale of his host. This would also not apply to the traveller intending to remain in the region for two, three or more days. Rather, he must be passing through, actively travelling.
This obligation—according to the Ḥanbalī madh`hab—applies only to those in small towns, not large cities. Their reasoning is that small towns are the places where hospitality is needed, whereas large cities have hotels and restaurants which fulfil the need ordinarily addressed by a host. This, also, is contrary to the correct opinion as the aforementioned ḥadīth is general. Also, how many people visit large cities and are not content with the hotels and restaurants therein? Despite the city possessing establishments that cater to all their needs, they may still dislike them, considering themselves above having to peruse them, opting instead to enter as a guest upon one of their friends, or someone they are well-acquainted with. Therefore, if a person enters upon you as a guest—even in a large city—the correct opinion is that it is obligatory to be hospitable to him.2
Shaykh Ibn ʿUthaymīn also said:
Honouring one’s guest should be in accordance with the guests themselves. Among them are those deserving of great effort and magnanimity, while others should be honoured in a more average, moderate way, and others are deserving of even less. Among them also are those whose hospitality would be in the form of supplying money to stay in a hotel. The manner of this hospitality should differ according to the people and the circumstances. For example, the host may not have the necessary space to have his guest enter his home and offer him a hospitable reception, so he offers to cover the costs of a hotel room on behalf of his guest. This practice may also be quite customary in certain regions. The most important aspect of this matter is that the manner of hospitality should be influenced by the customs of the region, and that its ruling is obligatory.3
Imām Ibn al-Qayyim said:
ʿUmar (رضي الله عنه)—during his khilāfah—never set a prerequisite for the amount of food or idām4 that a host should serve to his guests. Therefore, there is no requisite amount. Rather, every community should judge in accordance with their respective customs, and that which they do not find overly difficult to serve their guests. It is also impermissible for their guests to burden them with the serving of specific meat or chicken if that does not represent the majority of the food ordinarily consumed. Instead, it is obligatory for the guest to accept whatever customary offering they are served by their host. In the same way that Allāh has made it obligatory to feed the poor whatever average food one normally feeds his own family, without specifying a particular amount of food.5 Or just as the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) made it obligatory for a man to financially support his wife and servants in accordance with that which is customary, without specifying a particular amount. This is the Sunnah of the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) and that of his Rightly Guided Khālifs in this matter.
And with Allāh belongs true guidance.6
Allāh—the Most High—said:
هَلْ أَتَاكَ حَدِيثُ ضَيْفِ إِبْرَاهِيمَ الْمُكْرَمِينَ ﴿٢٤﴾ إِذْ دَخَلُوا عَلَيْهِ فَقَالُوا سَلَامًا ۖ قَالَ سَلَامٌ قَوْمٌ مُّنكَرُونَ ﴿٢٥﴾ فَرَاغَ إِلَىٰ أَهْلِهِ فَجَاءَ بِعِجْلٍ سَمِينٍ ﴿٢٦﴾ فَقَرَّبَهُ إِلَيْهِمْ قَالَ أَلَا تَأْكُلُونَ ﴿٢٧﴾ فَأَوْجَسَ مِنْهُمْ خِيفَةً ۖ قَالُوا لَا تَخَفْ ۖ وَبَشَّرُوهُ بِغُلَامٍ عَلِيمٍ
“Has the story reached you, of the honoured guests [three angels; Jibrīl (Gabriel) along with another two] of Ibrāhīm (Abraham)? When they came in to him, and said, “Salām, (peace be upon you)!” He answered; “Salām, (peace be upon you),” and said: “You are a people unknown to me,” Then he turned to his household, so brought out a roasted calf [as the property of Ibrāhīm (Abraham) was mainly cows]. And placed it before them, (saying): “Will you not eat? Then he conceived a fear of them (when they ate not). They said: “Fear not.” And they gave him glad tidings of an intelligent son, having knowledge (about Allāh and His religion of True Monotheism).””
(Al-Ẓāriyāt, 51:24-27)
Shaykh Ṣāliḥ Fawzān comments:
The story of Ibrāhīm (عليه السلام) and his guests, and serving a calf to them proves that showing hospitality to one’s guests is from the religion of Ibrāhīm (عليه السلام). It may also be used to evidence the host serving his guests an amount of food greater than the amount they would reasonably be able to consume. This act is among the exemplary manners espoused by Islām, and the excellent conduct which is still ever-present in his (عليه السلام) progeny, such that Islam encourages and reinforces it.7
Imām Ibn al-Qayyim comments:
His saying: “Then he turned to his household, so brought out a roasted calf, and placed it before them, (saying): “Will you not eat?”” comprises several forms of praise [for Ibrāhīm (عليه السلام)], and aspects pertaining to the proper manners of hosting guests and honouring them:
- Regarding His saying “Then he turned to his household”; that is, he left quickly and in secret. This indicates one should engage in that which honours his guests with immediacy and quickness. He should also do so with secrecy such that his guests are not made to feel awkward or embarrassed. This is contrary to those who seek to display the burden associated with hosting to their guests. For example, they approach their guests with immediacy, showing or displaying to them the amount of money spent, measuring what their guests take from it, or bringing them the drinking vessel openly and brazenly. All of which ensures that their guests feel embarrassed and shy. In consideration of this, the word used in this verse (rāgha) is meant to negate these two behaviours when hosting.
- In His saying “his household” there is an indication of another praiseworthy attribute. This is that the food to honour the guests was already prepared by his household. That he (عليه السلام) did not borrow it from his neighbour, nor did he have to resort to a person outside his household. As his guests were present within his domicile.
- In His saying: “So brought out a roasted calf” there are three further praiseworthy attributes. The first is that he served the calf to his guests himself. He did not send another with it, rather he engaged in service to his guests himself. The second is that he brought an entire, slaughtered animal to them, not a portion of it. The wisdom behind this is that it facilitates his guests choosing the choicest, most desirable portions of the animal to them for consumption. The third is that the animal that was served was fat, not emaciated. This represents the most precious of commodities, the calf of a fat cow the likeness of which his guests would be gladdened by. It is from the great honourable standing of Ibrāhīm (عليه السلام) that sacrificing and serving such a valuable commodity was done without any consternation or hesitancy.
- His saying: “And placed it before them” comprises a further attribute of praise and exemplary manners. This is serving food directly to the guests. This is contrary to the practice of some hosts where they prepare the food and set it out in a place, then ask their guests to stand and partake in it.
- His saying: ““Will you not eat?”” comprises a further praiseworthy attribute and represents another manifestation of exemplary conduct. Here, he (عليه السلام) encouraged them to eat with gentleness, mildness, and forbearance. This opposes the saying of some hosts to their guests upon serving the food: “Put your hands in the food!” or “Eat!” or “Come forward and partake!” or the likeness of such statements.
- His saying: “Then he conceived a fear of them (when they ate not)”; that is, when he (عليه السلام) observed them not partaking in the food set out before them, he became fearful that they intended to harm him. For, indeed, a guest partaking in the food served causes the host to feel comfortable with his guests, establishing congeniality amongst them.8
Al-Ḥāfiẓ al-Nawawī said in Riyāḍ al-Ṣāliḥīn:
On the authority of Abū Hurayrah (رضي الله عنه), a man once came to the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) and said: “I am exhausted [from hunger and poverty]”. So the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) asked his wives [for food]. One of them said: “By the One who has sent you with the truth! I only have water”. Then he (صلى الله عليه وسلم) asked another one who said the same as the first, until finally they had all made the same statement. So the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said: “Who will host this man tonight?” So a man from among the Anṣār said: “I shall O Messenger of Allāh!” This man brought him to his mount and said to his wife: “Honour the guest of the Messenger of Allāh”. In another narration, he said to his wife: “Do you have anything?” She replied: “No, save for the food meant for my infants.” He said: “Then distract them with something. If they then desire supper, put them to sleep. When our guest enters, extinguish the light such that he surmises we are also eating”. So they sat while their guest ate, and they went to sleep hungry. In the morning, they came upon the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) who said to them: “Allāh is certainly pleased with your treatment of your guest last night”.9
Imām Ibn ʿUthaymīn comments:
Among the lessons in this ḥadīth:
- It is permissible to present the opportunity to host a guest to the people. This act does not represent a form of pacification that is blameworthy. Firstly, because he (صلى الله عليه وسلم) never specified anyone as host in his place, for example, by saying: “O so-and-so! Host this man”. Had he done so, it may be interpreted as a form of inflicting inconvenience or hardship on another. Instead, he (صلى الله عليه وسلم) presented the opportunity to host this man in an open-ended manner to everyone present. In consideration of this, it is permissible if a guest is present and the prospective host is busy, or does not have the resources required to host, to say to those around him: “Is there anyone who can host this person?” There is nothing wrong with such an act.
- The great selflessness shown by this Anṣārī man who, in addition to his wife and children, all slept that night without having eaten supper. All for the purpose of honouring the man who was the guest of the Messenger of Allāh (صلى الله عليه وسلم).
- It is most befitting for a host to not display or bring attention to his own generosity, displaying it before his guest. The host must also not make his guest feel that he is the cause of hardship or difficulty for him. As, in this ḥadīth, the Anṣārī man ordered the lights to be extinguished such that their guest would not think that he was the cause of hardship for them, depriving them of their supper. This behaviour was taken from al-Khalīl (Ibrāhīm) (عليه السلام) when the angels came to him as guests, “then he turned to his household, so brought out a roasted calf”. Here, he retreated to his household quickly and in secret such that his guests would not feel awkward or embarrassed.
- It is permissible for a host to favour his guest over his own family. Although this is only in rare, spontaneous circumstances. Otherwise, under normal circumstances, the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said: “Give charity starting with yourself. Then, if there is surplus, give it to your family”.10 However, if a circumstance similar to the one mentioned in this ḥadīth was to occur spontaneously, then there is nothing wrong with a person showing favour to his guest or anyone else deserving of being honoured.
For whoever contemplates the Sunnah of the Messenger (صلى الله عليه وسلم), his path of guidance and that of his companions, he will find the most exemplary of manners and the most elevated, noble, honourable form of conducting oneself. If mankind would only emulate them, they would find themselves occupying the most elevated of stations both in this world and the hereafter.
May Allāh guide us and yourselves to goodness in this world and the hereafter.11
Al-ʿAllāmah Najm al-Din al-Maqdisī said:
Chapter Regarding the Additional Manners Adopted when Gathering and Sharing a Meal
From among its manners is that one does not begin eating before another more deserving of precedence like an elderly man or one of honourable standing.
From its manners as well is not to observe complete silence whilst eating. Rather, the people should discuss beneficial matters of goodness, relating to one another the conditions and circumstances of the pious whilst eating and in circumstances other than it.
From its manners is that each person should show selflessness to his companion in sharing the food. However, no one should compel or command their companion, saying “Eat!”. Instead, let every person stretch forth their hand and partake, without feigning false generosity or selflessness by refusing to eat.
Among its manners also is that one should refrain from staring at his companion whilst he eats so that he does not feel embarrassed or awkward.
Also among its manners is that one refrains from engaging in any act that he would find revolting to another. For example, putting one’s bare hand in the large food bowl, or positioning one’s head directly above it when placing a morsel of food in his mouth. If he must eject and dispose of some food from his mouth, let him turn his face away from the food and extricate it using his left hand. One should refrain from mixing the fat and grease of a bite of food with vinegar [meant for everyone], nor should he spoil the [communal] vinegar with fat or grease as this may be most distasteful to others. Let him also refrain from dipping the remaining portion of an already-bitten morsel of food into the [communal] gravy or bouillon.
Chapter Concerning the Manner of Serving Food
It is considered mustaḥabb to invite one’s brothers to a meal. As ʿAlī (رضي الله عنه) said: “It is more beloved to me to gather my brothers for a meal than to free a slave”. And Khaythamá (رحمه الله) used to prepare a medley of nutritious foods, then invite Ibrāhīm [ibn Yazīd al-Nakhaʿī] and al-Aʿmash to partake in it, saying: “Eat! For I have only prepared it for you”.
The food should be served in a manner that is unburdensome such that the host does not seek permission from his guests prior to serving the meal. Rather, let the host serve it without asking or seeking permission regarding it from his guests. Also, serving all the food he has at once is considered an unnecessary form of burdening.
Among the manners of the guests or visitors is that they refrain from suggesting a particular type of food. Rather, if they are given the choice between two types of food, let them choose the easiest of them on their host. The exception to this is if they know that their host is gladdened by their suggestion and its procurement is easy for him.
Chapter Concerning Entering Upon a People Whilst They Eat
It is most unbefitting for a group of people who know that another group is still eating to enter upon them. If they enter without prior knowledge of their state and seek to join them in their meal, let the eating party examine this matter. If they surmise that their request is only out of embarrassment or shyness and that they do not really wish to partake, let them refuse to allow this second party to join. If, however, they surmise that this second group really wishes to partake with them, then it is permissible to allow them to join.
As for the one who enters into the domicile of one of his friends and he knows well that his friend would approve and be gladdened by him eating a portion of his food, then it is permissible for him to do so.
Chapter Concerning the Manners of Hosting
Among the manners of hosting is that one only invites the god-fearing, not the known rebellious sinners. As some of the pious predecessors used to say: “Do not eat except the food of the god-fearing and allow only the god-fearing to eat your food”.
It is also most befitting that one invites the poor and needy, rather than the rich.
It is also most befitting that one refrains from neglecting his close family members when hosting. For indeed, neglecting and overlooking them breeds unfamiliarity and estrangement, representing a means towards the severing of the ties of kinship. One should also adopt an appropriate order when inviting his friends and confidants, not seeking opulence or extravagance when issuing invites. Rather, let one adopt the mannerisms inherent in the Sunnah when serving food, when seeking to win over the hearts of his brothers, and allowing serenity and happiness to fill the hearts of the believers.
Let him refrain from inviting anyone who he knows will find difficulty in answering his invitation, or will cause harm to the other invitees due to any of a variety of reasons.
As for the manner to be adopted by the invitee or guest: If the invite is for a wedding, then answering it is considered obligatory.
The guest should also refrain from giving preference to the wealthy when accepting invitations.
The guest should also not refuse to answer an invitation because he is fasting. Rather, let him attend. If the fasting is supererogatory and he knows that breaking his fast will gladden his host, let him break his fast.
Let him refuse to answer the invite if the food being served is ḥarām, or the carpet upon which it is served is ḥarām, or the vessels from which they drink are ḥarām, or if there is music or inappropriate imagery. The same will apply if the one issuing the invite is an oppressor, or a rebellious sinner, or an innovator, or shows pride in innovation.
One should also refrain from intending only food or simply to partake in a meal by answering an invite. Rather, let him instead intend by it emulation of the Sunnah, honouring his fellow believing brother, and ridding and preserving himself from potential negative presumptions. For example, if he refuses the invite, some may say: “He has done so out of arrogance”.
It is also most befitting that, upon attending, he humbles himself in his manner of sitting without over-emphasis or feigning false humility. If his host designates a particular seat for him, let him not relocate to other than it.
As for serving the food, there are five exemplary manners attributable to it:
- To serve the food quickly as this is a form of honouring the guests.
- To start by serving the guests fruit before any other food. For this is most upright and healthy for the body from a medical standpoint. As the Most High [mentions fruit before meat] in His saying:
وَفَاكِهَةٍ مِّمَّا يَتَخَيَّرُونَ ﴿٢٠﴾ وَلَحْمِ طَيْرٍ مِّمَّا يَشْتَهُونَ
“And fruit; that they may choose. And the flesh of fowls that they desire.”
(Al-Wāqiʿah, 56:21)Then, the best variety of food that is served after fruit is meat, particularly that which is grilled or roasted. Then, the best type of food served after meat is al-Tharīd [a dish of sopped bread, meat, and broth]. Then, sweets should be served. The consumption of a good meal should be concluded by drinking cold water, and pouring tepid water on one’s hands to clean them.
- To serve all the varieties of food present.
- The host should not be quick in removing the food after it has been served. Rather, he should wait until his guests have eaten their fill before removing what has been left.
- To serve an amount of food that fulfils the appetite of the guests. For indeed, serving less than the required amount represents a masculine deficiency.
It is also most befitting that the host removes the portion of the food required by his family before serving the food to his guests.
If one of his guests wishes to leave, the host should accompany him to the door of his dwelling. For this is a practice from the Sunnah and represents a form of honouring one’s guests.
Also representative of honouring one’s guests is the adoption of a friendly, jovial, happy demeanour, engaging in beneficial, righteous, and honourable conversations upon the entering and exiting of the guests, and at the table.
As for the guests, they should leave while harbouring only good thoughts of their host even if they feel slighted by him in some way. For this represents a form of exemplary manners and conduct, and indicates humility. A guest should also not leave the house of his host without his permission and consent while also being cognizant of his host’s feelings when deciding how long to remain [after eating].12
Endnotes:
[1] Authentic: narrated by al-Bukhārī: 5787.
[2] Source: Al-Sharḥ al-Mumtiʿ 15:48-51.
[3] Source: Fatāwá Nūr ʿalá al-Darb 2:20.
[4] Idām: any shortening or fatty ingredient eaten with bread. Used colloquially to refer to anything eaten with food to enrich its taste, like butter with bread or condiments with food.
[5]Referencing al-Māʾidah, 5:89:
فَكَفَّارَتُهُ إِطْعَامُ عَشَرَةِ مَسَاكِينَ مِنْ أَوْسَطِ مَا تُطْعِمُونَ أَهْلِيكُمْ
“Its expiation (a deliberate oath) feed ten masākīn (poor persons), on a scale of the average of that with which you feed your own families”
[6] Source: Aḥkām Ahl al-Ẓimmah 2:430.
[7] Source: Al-Mulakhaṣ al-Fiqhī 2:586.
[8] Source: Al-Risālah al-Tabūdhakiyyah: 76-78.
[9] Authentic: narrated by al-Bukhārī: 3798 and Muslim: 2054.
[10] Authentic: narrated by Muslim: 997.
[11] Source: Sharḥ Riyāḍ al-Ṣāliḥīn 3:421-422.
[12] Source: Mukhtaṣir Mihāj al-Qāṣidīn: 72-75.
Translated by: Riyāḍ al-Kanadī
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