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The Wisdom of Marriage – The Fallacy of Dating

Shaykh Muḥammad Taqī al-Din al-Hilālī

A brief reminder about the beauty of the Islamic marriage and the evils of dating.

The scholar and dāʿī, Dr. Muḥammad Taqi al-Din Al-Hilāli1 said, “….And in the Sunan of Ibn Majah the prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) stated, ‘From the things that makes a man happy is a righteous wife whom whenever he looks at her she pleases him, whenever he commands her she obeys him, and whenever he is absent she is faithful with herself and his wealth'” Ḥadīth ḥasan (ḥadīth no. 1857).

So look – may Allāh have mercy on you – at this ḥadīth which illustrates therein a very high wisdom from the lips of the one who has been given concise, eloquent speech that contains much profound meaning. For indeed herein he summed up the conditions for a happy martial life:

  1. The first one is that the woman is attractive in the eyes of the husband
  2. She willingly fulfills his requests and does what he wants; and this is the sign of true love
  3. He trusts her and she trusts him. Hence if he is absent for a long or short period, he will be rest assured that she will safeguard her honour and integrity, and ensure that his wealth is not wasted

Without these conditions neither of the spouses can ever be happy. And the Europeans have claimed to have attained the pinnacle of marital bliss because they allow the fiancé to interact with his fiancée before the marriage in a manner that is very disturbing. It is quite possible for this relationship to continue like this for years whereby they are ‘still getting to know each other,’ to get to learn the other person’s behavioural traits and personality so that they can be more compatible with each other in order to make the relationship more lasting. They know however that this is a big farce because neither of the spouses trust the other – as far as being faithful to each other – or being honest with their money. The husband cannot tell his wife to do anything because obedience is not an obligation for them. Hence, they are like two business or trade partners. And this illustrates the fallacy of the stipulation they must ‘be in love’ first.

As for the argument that supports unrestricted interaction before the marriage contract, (this is also a fallacy) because they do not really get to know the true character of the other companion because each of them ‘puts on an act’ for the other, and feign signs of adulation for fear that the engagement will be called off. And almost none of them reveals his/her true character until they get married. And there are many incidents like this that prove this to be true. For indeed, this happened in Germany in the city of Bonn wherein a man was engaged to his fiancée for 20 years, and they lived together as a man would live with his wife. However, when they married, the marriage did not last but one year; all of it being disagreements, bickering, and argumentation, eventually ending in divorce.”

Taken from his book ‘The rulings of al-Khula’ in Islām’ pg. 36-38.

Endnotes:

[1] He is a descendant of the Prophet’s grandson Husayn (raḍī Allāhu ʿanhu). He was born in Morocco in 1311 (1893) and he died 1408 (1997). He is well known for his translation of the meanings of the interpretation of the Noble Qurʾān and Ṣaḥiḥ Al-Bukharī. Shaykh Hammād al-Anṣārī said about him, “In reality, I have not met anyone who has more knowledge in so many various subjects other than Dr. al-Hilāli. Forty-five years have passed and I have never seen anyone like him. He was fluent in languages such as Hebrew, German, English, Spanish, in addition to being a scholar in Arabic. He is my shaykh for I benefit from him greatly. He was Salafi in his ʿaqīdah, and if you read his book about al-Tawḥīd you would know that no one knows al-Tawḥīd in the Qurʾān like him.”

Published: July 24, 2023
Edited: July 26, 2023

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